The Heaviness of Forgiveness

Sometimes forgiveness feels like it has an anchor attached to it.

Don’t get me wrong, forgiveness is right, and God forgives us multiple times a day. We know He wants us to forgive each other. And honestly, sometimes it is easy. Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes it takes time.

But no one ever talks about the layers of forgiveness.

No one talks about how you can forgive a person and still be dealing with someone who is dismissive of what they did to you. Someone who taunts you, gaslights you, or acts like nothing ever happened. In your heart, you forgive, but it still feels heavy.

You are doing the right thing for your peace, your heart, and in God’s eyes, but the pain is still there.

No one talks about how, behind closed doors, you may forgive someone but still have to constantly pray to keep that forgiveness because the person continues to treat you horribly. Forgiveness can ease anger, but sometimes healing from the hurt takes time, especially when the offender keeps digging into the wound or reopening the scar.

Forgiveness in human form is not always so cookie-cutter.

In the Bible, Matthew says that if we cannot forgive others, our Father cannot forgive us. But what it does not say is that you will not feel hurt, sadness, anger, or heaviness while trying to forgive, especially when dealing with constant offenders in your midst.

We as humans are flawed emotionally in many ways. I feel like God knows how hard it is for us to forgive while also carrying human emotions. Some humans do evil things to other human beings for all types of reasons, and sometimes for no reason at all.

And one must wonder, what level of forgiveness does it take to forgive someone who tried to take your life? Or people who take the lives of innocent children?

We hear so many stories in the news about careless mass shootings and innocent people losing their lives. The level of forgiveness needed for things like that... even I cannot sit here and say what is right or wrong. I could not imagine someone hurting my child and me quickly forgiving them. Honestly, even as a Christian, I would have to say, “God, I need time. I’m human.”

And even if forgiveness eventually came, I believe the heaviness of it would still show up every birthday, every anniversary, every reminder.

This is why I say things are not always so cookie-cutter, but people are afraid to talk about it, especially in the Christian world. The heaviness of forgiveness for certain things.

Trauma forgiveness is heavy.

Whether the abuse was physical, emotional, sexual, or verbal, trauma leaves marks on people. Some people forgive and move on. Some forgive but still carry the trauma in their body and mind. Some have flashbacks they never talk about. And some people absolutely cannot forgive at all and are firm in that.

And honestly, I do not judge them either.

I learned you can never truly tell a person how to feel. You can suggest, encourage, or offer perspective, but you cannot command emotions out of someone.

Even God gives us free will.

I’m sure He wants us to forgive, but He also knows He is God and we are human — flawed, emotional, layered human beings.

And somehow, He still loves us anyway.